I just got this letter in my email inbox, and it seems to have gone to every fan on the Braves mailing list. Written and signed by team President John Schuerholtz:
On behalf of the entire Braves organization, I would like to thank you for all of the great support you showed us this season. Your continued involvement in this team plays a pivotal role in our ability and drive to succeed. While there were many exciting moments during our 2011 season, unfortunately, we fell short of our ultimate goal. Together, we share in the disappointment and frustration of how and when this season ended.
For a majority of the season we owned one of the four best records in baseball. We had five members of our team representing the Braves at the All-Star Game, and we had the two best rookies in the league on our team - either Kimbrel or Freeman will surely win the Rookie of the Year Award. We witnessed an historic hitting streak by Dan Uggla and his incredible defense all year. Throughout the season, we began to see the remarkable depth of talent in our young players.
However, our performance in the month of September was unacceptable to all in the organization, and we will evaluate and analyze our missteps to do all we can to prevent this from happening again. Our General Manager, Frank Wren, and his staff have already begun to evaluate our team and will be focusing throughout the off-season on building upon the strengths of this team and repairing our weaknesses to achieve our goal.
Like you, I am very proud of the history and achievements of your Atlanta Braves organization. However proud we are of that legacy, I would like to reiterate to you that our focus is on the future and our goal for next season is to win a World Championship for you, our loyal fans.
Once again, I appreciate all you do to support the Braves organization and team. I truly hope you will continue to be part of the great atmosphere and community we all share in Braves Country.
Nice letter, now let's see what they do and how they "prevent this from happening again." Talking Chop's Top-5 Off-Season Questions for the Braves series begins tomorrow! So there will be much more discussion about how to fix this team over the next several days.
After the jump is the Republican response Faux Frank Wren response to Schu's letter:
It's good to be the Faux GM, because you get to be honest:
Dear (insert your name here),
What a year in Braves County! Even though we failed to secure the Wild Card, there were many positives that the organization will build on into 2012.
Let’s see, first there was, um, uh, oh right, positives…the Bobby Cox number retirement ceremony. Then we won the trade for Michael Bourn because our two other CF’ers failed to produce. Our reliever Peter Moylan had successful shoulder surgery and his pal Kris Medlen got over 10,000 followers on Twitter. Then there was the guy in the wedding dress that ran onto the field before the B-52’s concert - he was removed very quickly. The contracts for Kenshin Kawakami and Nate McLouth expired. We reached our health insurance deductible faster than ever before. And last but not least, we had five all-star representatives that helped secure home field advantage for either the Phillies, Cardinals, Diamondbacks, or Brewers.
That’s some 2012! And looking back, let’s not forget a few things that have led to these current successes: the friendly contract that we signed Brian McCann too years ago that continues to help us be competitive within our budget. The Jair Jurrjens trade with Detroit for some prospects whose names I can’t remember. And most recently, the trade that brought us Michael Bourn, that coincidentally, will also save us from future peanut-allergic reactions in the clubhouse.
As an organization we are all disappointed that we did not make the playoffs. We do however feel like we are there in spirit. The new HDTV’s we installed on the executive level really make you feel like you are there in person! They’re amazing. I could actually see the individual hairs on the Busch Stadium squirrel.
So on behalf of the entire Braves organization, even the Assistant to the President (not Assistant President!), Tom Glavine, we thank you for your continued support of the Barves and look forward to a successful 2012. And please pray Jason Heyward’s MRI comes back clean ;).
Fauxfully,
Faux Frank Wren
@fauxfrankwren
The Unreal General Manager, Atlanta Braves(with all apologies, of course)
Good perspective from the Faux GM.